Are You A Point Maker or a Peace Maker?

SEPTEMBER 24, 2020

By Pastor Steve Peich

Ephesians 4.15 But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ…

Last Sunday I preached (in part) about being people who live and speak the truth with God, each other, and our selves. Because of time constraints I could not get into something that is crucial to being people characterized by living and speaking the truth. That something is, confronting well. 

For some people even reading the word confrontation feels unpleasant. Too many of us have long been scarred by confrontations that have gone south. I know I have. I have been screamed at, cussed at, and cut off relationally in several instances - and that’s as a pastor! But I have also seen how it can deepen a relationship and create a healthy work environment. 

One of the reasons why we Christians avoid confronting so much is that we have a misguided idea of what confrontation really is. For me, the most basic meaning for confrontation is simply this: Addressing what needs to be addressed in a relationship. That’s really the whole basis to the idea. It’s not at all about telling someone off or getting in someone’s face (despite what we may have seen modeled by our families or bosses). It is simply addressing something between people that needs to be addressed so that greater health and growth is an outcome, where wrongs are righted and a strong relationship is created. 

There was a professor at a seminary I went to who wrote a book called: Caring Enough to Confront. From the title you can grasp the premise of the book. We confront things because we care enough about a relationship to protect it from deterioration. In fact, the author, David Augsburger, coined the term, ‘Carefrontation’ to express more accurately what confrontation is really all about. This is one of the reasons why Paul says to speak the truth in love. Without that in play, we end up spewing instead of speaking. 

Spewing is an unfiltered stream of angry expression. It may be all true, but it will shut me down and close my ears to the truth you are saying in a fraction of a second. You may be right, but I don’t want to talk to you anymore about it.

So again, we don’t confront because we are committed to making a point. We confront because we are committed to making peace. 

Bottom line, if there is more than you in the room you will have many opportunities for hurt, pain, misunderstanding, and disagreement. To avoid this, you must avoid people altogether. So keep in mind, a healthy relationship is not one that is conflict free, but is conflict faced. 

So how is your truth-speaking lately when it comes to confronting others? Are you a point maker or a peace maker? Do you speak? Or do you spew? Are you holding back from speaking to the detriment of your emotional and spiritual well-being? What would be one thing you want to address with a spouse, friend, co-worker, child, in-law, etc.? Write it out and pray about how you can speak that truth in love. 

Prayer: Lord, I pray for the courage to speak, but the godly character not to spew. Grant me the wisdom to make peace, instead of just making points. Help me not to swallow my pain, but speak my truth. In Your Gracious Name I pray, Amen.

Share this with a friend: