Someone To Talk To
By Adele Chong, Session Elder
In his May 9, 2021 sermon titled “You Are My Friends,” Pastor Tim Shaw reminisced about a conversation during a tennis match back in college. He was going through a difficult time, which his friend had suspected from the way Tim was playing tennis.
Tim’s friend said, “Hey, if you ever want to talk with someone about what’s going on, I’d be happy to talk with you. We all have a lot going on, and I just want you to know that if you want someone to talk to, I’d be happy to listen.”
Tim wrote: “I’m sure someone had said that to me in the past but, at that point, I could not remember the last time an invitation like that had been offered to me.”
These words really stood out to me. There have been times in my life when I really, really needed someone to talk to. Here are two examples.
I remembered the GriefShare groups I had been in nearly 20 years ago. I went through GriefShare more than once, and others in my groups did too. It was very healing for me to be with a group of people who were all in the same “club,” people who had recently lost a loved one – a spouse, a parent, a grandchild, a close friend. We could talk to each other about anything, and we knew others in the group would understand what we meant. We talked the same “language.” Everyone was handling their grief their own way, but we could talk about things we knew other people may not want to hear.
A more recent example is maintaining a supportive friendship during the pandemic. For many years a good friend and fellow usher at First Prez, would go out to dinner together once a month, but that had to be put on hold after the lockdown. We kept in touch by phone instead. Telephone chats were good, but not enough. When we both felt it would be safe to see each other in person, outdoors, six feet apart, and with masks on, we started a new monthly tradition. My friend stops at a restaurant and picks up two lunches on her way to my house. We sit on the front deck and talk, sometimes for hours. Our conversations range widely, from issues of everyday life (plumbing leaks, family concerns) to our fears (pending medical tests, over-scheduling our time, and much more). We listen to each other, we affirm each other, and (if asked) give suggestions about solutions. Our friendship has been a valuable part of maintaining my mental health over the past months. And we’ve decided to continue our monthly front deck lunches into the post-pandemic era, whenever that may be!
The pandemic has showed me how important communication and relationships are – just not with each other but with the Lord.
GriefShare illustrates the wisdom of Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” I am very grateful GriefShare was there to help me up.
My friendship with my fellow usher is an example of Paul’s exhortation in Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
In both situations I know I was and I am being heard. The GriefShare group members and my lunch buddy have lived out Colossians 3:12-14, where we are admonished to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
Talking about hard times with someone we trust, who also believes in Jesus, helps us sort out our thoughts and our feelings. It helps us figure out what is important, what is really bothering us, and gives us a more accurate perspective. It helps us pray about what to do next.
What about you? Do you have someone to talk to about what’s going on in your life? If yes, thank God for that person! If not yet, ask God to give you the courage to reach out to someone, or perhaps to the Care Ministries of our church.
Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray that those of us who are aching to talk to someone who really cares will take the first step by reaching out. We know You love them, and You have many ways to express Your love for them. Please give them the courage to ask for support and the grace to accept it. Amen.
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