Think Before You Speak
By Pastor Tim Shaw
Recently, I was listening to a sermon by our friend Andy Croft of Soul Survivor in the UK. One part of his message particularly challenged me to consider the part of our lives that the Apostle James says is one of the most difficult things to tame. In his quite blunt and straight-forward way, James writes about the tongue and the impact our words can have for good or ill.
“When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” James 3:3-6
I know the kind of destruction that can unfold when I fail to carefully measure my words. Driven along by emotion, I have said things to friends, work colleagues, and family members that I later regret saying. Yes, I felt justified in the moment to say what I said. Yes, I believed I was right and the other person really needed to hear what I had to say. And, in those situations, what came out of my mouth was of little or no value to the other person. In fact, what I said wounded them, did harm to me, and injured our relationship.
In Andy Croft’s sermon, he spoke from Paul’s letter to the Philippians. In the midst of these challenging, stressful and often uncertain times, the Apostle Paul challenges us to make gentleness and kindness what we are most known for. Paul says, “Let your gentleness be evident to all.” Gentleness is not weakness. It’s great strength that has been trained and harnessed. It is, as Andy says, “Great power channeled through kindness.” Paul writes to the Philippians:
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:4-7)
If we want to grow in our capacity for gentleness and kindness, maybe a good place for us to start is with our words, whether they come out of our mouths or show up in a text, email or social media post. During his message, Andy asked Mike Pilavachi to review what has helped him learn to control his tongue. Mike says, “Before you speak, THINK.”
THINK
Is it TRUE?
Is it HELPFUL?
Is it INSPIRING?
Is it NECESSARY?
Is it KIND?
If it’s not all those things, then Mike suggests that we might want to keep our mouths shut. There are certainly going to be times when we need to have difficult conversations with one another. Hard things sometimes need to be communicated. But can we make it our goal to share those thoughts in ways that are kind?
Finally, as I’m working on making sure I THINK before I speak, I also find it helpful to remember that other people are facing very difficult challenges that I may know nothing about. Most of us are acutely aware of our own struggles and, to be honest, we are preoccupied with our own problems and concerns. We can have tremendous compassion for what we are going through because we see our own difficulties so clearly. But as Ian MacLaren, 19th century Scottish pastor and author, noted wisely, “Let us be kind to one another, for most of us are fighting a hard battle.”
Prayer: Dear Lord, my capacity to be kind has everything to do with my ability to recognize and experience the great, unmeasurable kindness that You have shown me and continue to show me. Help me to see how great Your kindness truly is. May Your gentleness be seen, more and more, in my relationships with others. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.
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