I Have No Idea Where I Am Going

JULY 22, 2020

By David Chang

My family liked road trips. Long ago, small kid time, my Dad took my mom, brother, and me to Detroit to pick up a new 1967 Ford Mustang. The four of us then jammed into that car, drove to New York and then back to California. It was so much fun, that we did many road trips. It was great fun until we got lost, and then it was not so fun anymore. 

Because I have macho man syndrome, I never admit I’m lost. For me, getting lost is admitting that I screwed up somewhere and that I’m not doing my best. During this pandemic, when the virus is constantly changing the rules on us, it can be a quite a stressful time for me.

Then someone gave me a prayer, which made me laugh because the first line was me:

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.” That is me! I said it out loud, “I have no idea where I am going.”

Check out the rest of the prayer:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.  (by Thomas Merton)

The prayer was incredibly freeing for me. It took an enormous weight off of me. I get bummed because I feel like I’m not doing enough for God, especially with this pandemic going on. But this prayer reminds me that God’s love for me is not based on how much I do for Him. No, what matters to Him more is that I love Him. That’s it! That’s all! God doesn’t want what I can do for Him; all God wants is me!

“I don’t want your sacrifices—I want your love; I don’t want your offerings—I want you to know me.” Hosea 6:6

Prayer: Heavenly Father, thank You for loving me, for reminding me that all You want is me. After all, everything comes about by You, not me. Help me to love You. Help me to know You. In Jesus name, Amen.

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