The Thermostat Dad
June 19, 2020
By Pastor Steve Peich
Ephesians 6.4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
The greatest feeling in my life was when I became a father. I had held only one infant for a very brief time in my entire life up until that point. But when my wife was taking a well-deserved nap, I sat there in her room, on a rocking chair, and in silent awe held my daughter. It was the one time in my life where the whole world felt perfect. Of course, the next day when we took her home and experienced the first night of crying, “perfect” kind of left the building.
I had no idea raising kids would be such a challenge. I can’t tell you how easy it was for me, even as an ordained minister, to “exasperate” my kids (I have two) and how challenging it would be to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” So, after three decades of Dad-hood, let me share just a couple of thoughts.
First, as a dad, be a thermostat, not a thermometer. Thermometers are instruments that react to the atmosphere of a room. Thermostats, on the other hand, set and modulate the atmosphere. As a dad, do you just react to what is going on around in the chaos of family life or with the mistakes of your child? Or do you set the atmosphere, set the healthy environment in which peace, grace, and wisdom has a greater chance of showing up when difficult things arise? When we are calm and rational, it can be contagious. As Proverbs 15.1 reminds us: “A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger.”
Furthermore, the thermostat does not consist of just two settings to control the environment of the room – e.g. high or low; it has a range of settings. The task of being a good dad requires that we have a range of ways to respond to our kids depending on the incident, their personalities, or how they respond to certain actions or messages of critique or praise, etc. In other words, dads need to be men of wisdom. Wisdom, in part, is knowing the right thing to say or do in the right way, at the right time, for the right reasons, and to the right degree. Some dads see every problem as a nail, so their solution always feels like a hammer.
To put it another way, there is not a one-size-fits -ll response that is always appropriate, be it for praise or for discipline. Your kids have different temperaments, emotional responses to guidance and encouragement, as well as to strong words or discipline, etc. To correct or encourage my son was often different than the way I handled such things with my daughter. They are very two different personality types. It’s up to you to discern through the Holy Spirit what is the best response to modulate the situation given what your child is like. As Proverbs 16.21 says: “The wise in heart are called discerning. Their gracious words make them better teachers.”
The “training and instruction of the Lord” has a better chance to take root in our children if we have been “thermostat” dads. You may be the biggest Bible your child will ever read. They will learn so much about God by how they experience you – especially in those difficult and stressful moments.
Prayer: “Lord, give me a discerning heart to respond wisely to the needs of my children. Help me to regulate my emotional world so that the best of You comes through my life with them. Show me how I can help them in knowing and experiencing You in the richest way possible. Amen.”
Share this with a friend: